Retrospect
by Delayed Poet
Summary: Hermione's thoughts at the end of HBP. HBP SPOILERS, you have been warned.


Disclaimer: I do not own JK Rowling's genius series, Harry Potter.

**Retrospect**

What does one do when their whole world is turned upside down? When those you trust betray you in the worst way possible? After the shock settles in, I'm sure Harry and Ron will have no difficultly saying "I told you so!" And, granted, they did; they tried to tell me he was untrustworthy, that he was a slimy git who didn't deserve trust and compassion. But I insisted that, because Dumbledore trusted him, so would I. So what do I do, now that my faith in Dumbledore's, bless him, judgment has proven slightly faulty. And what does this mean for the Order? They have lost a spy, and, for some, a friend; someone who knows the secrets and inner workings of the Order. I'm sure it's agreed among us all that he had better never show his face to us again, for, if he does, there will be hell to pay.

I want to continue giving him excuses, to pretend that he did it because he would rather Dumbledore die by a friend, than an enemy; that he knew Dumbledore didn't stand a chance. I mean, from what Harry said, he was already very much weakened and was asking for Snape. So, maybe, just maybe, they did plan for Snape to murder Dumbledore. Murder. That's what it was, even if it was planned. Murder of the greatest wizard to have lived, in my humble opinion. Yes, he was definitely a bit eccentric, but I think that's why we all loved him, isn't it?

But he's gone now and we must all take the wisdom he bestowed upon us and continue to live, to fight. Because that's what he would have wanted, I'm sure of it. So, in the memory of the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts -again, in my humble opinion- has ever seen, I'm going to do whatever I can to win this fight against Voldemort and his minions, because that's all anyone can really do. After all that is over, I think I'm going to come back here. No doubt they'll have a need of teachers after the war is over. Sobering thought, that is. But it's the truth and we all have to realize that. It's time to grow up and see that we are truly in the middle of a war.

And if that night was an example of how war is, I can guarantee we're going to need more training. Yes, we hit it lucky because of the Felix Felicis, but we can't drink that every time there's going to be a battle. I mean, we didn't even know the Death Eaters were going to attack and I firmly believe it will continue to be that way. And if that awful werewolf, Greyback brings anymore to Voldemort's side, we are certainly in trouble. Professor Lupin must truly be the golden one of the bunch, if that one was anything to go by. It's his type that give werewolves a bad name! To think, Greyback is the one that cursed Remus! Remus is a good man despite what he turns into at the full moon, whereas Greyback is an awful man and probably would be one even if he wasn't a werewolf.

And poor Bill! He was very handsome before, but I'm very glad that he's not letting this bring him down. If anything, he's more determined to win than before. And I actually admired Phlegm for her continued love and support of Bill. I had thought, for sure, that she was so obsessed with appearances that she would leave him. But she didn't, and I respect her for that. Oh! And I'm so happy for Remus and Tonks! I'm glad they are able to find a little happiness in our world of impending doom. I only hope Tonks will be able to get Remus to understand that she loves him for him, and that's all that matters. I think they made a huge step toward that in the hospital wing. To think, she looked so sad all the time because Remus wasn't allowing himself be happy.

Then again, that's what I've been doing most of the year, isn't it? I feel so stupid, looking back at some of the things I did this year. I really let Ron get under my skin and I shouldn't have. I should have been more mature about it, talked to him sooner. But he just made me so mad! He knew how I felt, that I wanted to go to that party with him, but then he turned around and started using Lavender in some rather disgusting shows of … I don't want to say affection, because I really don't think he cared for her. I know he was just trying to get me jealous. And, by Merlin, I was! But none of that really matters anymore. We've talked and worked things out. I think he realized how much he hurt me and that now isn't the time for foolish jealousy games. So, we've put that in the past and are working toward something better. I never did find out what set him off, though…

Anyway, Harry. He's matured so much this year, it's really very noticeable. After Ginny and I finally got over our little spat, we had so much fun talking about how Harry had finally come around! I told her, summer before fifth year, that if she would just be herself around him, he'd be more likely to notice her. And, by golly, I was right! They really do make such a cute couple. Hopefully, after all this with Voldemort is done and over, they can have a real relationship. And I have the utmost faith that Harry will be able to do what he needs to do to destroy the Horcruxes and, ultimately, Voldemort.

I desperately hope that he will let Ron and I help wherever we can. As much as I know he has to do this, I want to help him, be there for him. I know I'll be searching the library for anything I can find on the four founders and their possessions. Harry is sure that one of the Horcruxes is something of Ravenclaws, but what could it be? I want to figure it out, because it is a puzzle and unfinished puzzles drive me batty. He told us about R.A.B., too. I wonder who that is? I've been running through a mental list of names I know or have heard, trying to figure out who it could be. All I've come up with is Regulus Black, but I don't know what his middle name was. I know he was suspected of being murdered by Voldemort, but Sirius didn't seem to think he was important enough for that.

But I've been thinking, what if it is him? What if he had one of the Horcruxes? Would Voldemort have gotten it back, or would he have stashed it somewhere? Perhaps in Twelve Grimmauld Place? Oh! I just feel like that's going to lead somewhere! I might be wrong, but I feel so sure of it! Besides, there's something I'm missing; a piece of the puzzle that I know is there, but I can't remember which it is. I'm sure that once I find that missing piece, this theory will shine through as fact. I admit, it would be rather convenient, but it just has to be right!

I wonder what Sirius would think if he knew that something his brother could have possibly done has great potential to aid in Voldemort's defeat? Would he be pleased at finally having something, someone in his family to take pride in? Sirius. He would probably be gloating about how he was right about Snape all along. How the smarmy git was always a rotten man. How he knew he couldn't be trusted.

And he would be absolutely right.

So, what _does_ one do when their whole world is turned upside down?


End file.
